One year.

Prior to WW.  Me, June, 2014.

365 days.

One year seems like a very long time.

When I started on my WW journey (again) last July 1, I was very optimistic.  I had a drive, a need, a FURY to lose this extra weight.  And lose I did - quickly.  By the end of November, I had lost 36 pounds.  I was feeling on top of the world fantastic.

And then I plateaued.

I've gained and lost the same 7 pounds since that time.  My lowest I've been in 3+ years was 292.4 - which happened two weeks ago.  And then the bottom fell out - the last two weeks have been emotionally trying.  When times are emotional, I eat.  And it's reflected in my last two weigh-ins.  I wasn't going to go, but my at-work husband asked if I was going today and I felt like I couldn't let him down.  It was exactly the accountability that I needed to chalk up the gain and move on.

"Now".  Me, May, 2015.  Down 35 lbs at the time.

I know I need to look at the positives.  Per the scale this week, I'm down 32 pounds since last July 1.  32 pounds is a cinder block.  I FEEL better.  My joints don't hurt nearly as much as they did before from just doing normal, everyday things.  I'm down 2-3 sizes in pants (depending on the brand) and down a size in shirts.

But I only see the negatives.  I cringe when I see myself naked in the mirror.  I'm afraid to sit on chairs because I fear that they won't hold my weight and will buckle.  I walk behind people because God knows I don't want the person walking behind me to be subjected to the view of my large body while they're walking.  Seeing the looks of disgust or the giggles at my body size/shape when I'm out shopping.  The look of disappointment when someone realizes they're stuck wedged to the large woman on the flight for the next few hours.

I need to figure out how to get out of this rut.  I need the enthusiasm, the drive, the motivation to keep on plan and to feel absolutely determined to lose this weight.  But I only feel just crushed, devastated, depressed.

The Right Facilitator.

Being a "monthly pass" WW member now off and on since July 2009, I've seen my share of meeting facilitators.  I've actually stopped going to meetings at certain times before due to certain facilitators.  I feel that you as a member needs to be connected to the person leading the group each week.  If you don't have similar personalities, it just doesn't work.  The engagement isn't there - and it's the first thing to fall apart in the weight loss journey.

Back in 2009 when I first did the WW journey with meetings, Julie was the facilitator of the meeting I went to on a weekly basis.  She was great - very energetic and compassionate.  Non-judgemental and a very sweet person.  She would e-mail out recipes that worked for her to anyone who wanted them - which wasn't something that as a WW facilitator, she HAD to do or was in the typical regimen.  Julie ended up getting a job outside of WW that didn't allow her anymore to facilitate at the Edina WW Center.  Liz took over her meetings and was a completely different personality dynamic.  It was shortly thereafter that I stopped my WW journey.  I'm not blaming the leader change for that stoppage, but it was a contributor.  I no longer enjoyed going to the meetings.

When I started back up on the journey back in July of last year, I changed the date that I went to the meetings: 10:30s on Tuesdays.  The facilitator was Elizabeth: someone who had a lot of the personality traits that Julie had.  I was instantly engaged with her and loved attending her meetings.  Elizabeth knew you by name - which gave me extreme accountability for attending meetings.  If I didn't attend, she noticed.  She also would send out automated "warm fuzzies" through the WW system - e-mails that were personalized based on a specific thing you mentioned in the meeting - an accomplishment, a struggle, or just a general, "You're doing great, keep it up" type of note.  Back in November, she took a leave of absence - I found out recently due to the fact that she was a regional manager and was struggling to keep up with commitments there as well as facilitate her weekly 10:30AM meeting in Edina.

In Elizabeth's absence, Hayley became the facilitator.  VERY energetic, complimentary and driven.  I had seen Hayley as an attendee at past 10:30 Tuesday meetings, so I recognized her immediately.  Like Elizabeth, Hayley is very engaged with individual members and remembers them and their struggles/successes.  After our meeting two weeks ago, I talked with Hayley for awhile and she actually got choked up as I was walking through my journey (and ups and downs) so far.  She understood and related to what I was going through and was excited (and proud) for how much I understood that the change I was making was a lifestyle change.

There WILL be ups and downs along the way.

Focus on the small victories.

Don't get discouraged.  Use a "gain" week as motivation to get back on track and make changes to do so.

Just BEING at the meeting is a win.

As I weighed in today, Hayley mentioned that Elizabeth missed seeing and talking with me. THIS is why this works: WW is a family.  It's a community of people who have the same struggles, whether it's 15 pounds or 150 pounds - the day-to-day struggle is the same.  Since these facilitators have been through the same thing - and are maintaining their successful loss - they get it.  They can relate.  They've BEEN there.  And they want to see you succeed just as much as you do.

At the beginning of the meeting, Hayley announced that she was now the permanent 10:30 Tuesday meeting facilitator because Elizabeth just was too overwhelmed.  As much as I'll miss Elizabeth, I'm very excited for the meetings that Hayley will lead going forward.