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| Prior to WW. Me, June, 2014. |
One year seems like a very long time.
When I started on my WW journey (again) last July 1, I was very optimistic. I had a drive, a need, a FURY to lose this extra weight. And lose I did - quickly. By the end of November, I had lost 36 pounds. I was feeling on top of the world fantastic.
And then I plateaued.
I've gained and lost the same 7 pounds since that time. My lowest I've been in 3+ years was 292.4 - which happened two weeks ago. And then the bottom fell out - the last two weeks have been emotionally trying. When times are emotional, I eat. And it's reflected in my last two weigh-ins. I wasn't going to go, but my at-work husband asked if I was going today and I felt like I couldn't let him down. It was exactly the accountability that I needed to chalk up the gain and move on.
I know I need to look at the positives. Per the scale this week, I'm down 32 pounds since last July 1. 32 pounds is a cinder block. I FEEL better. My joints don't hurt nearly as much as they did before from just doing normal, everyday things. I'm down 2-3 sizes in pants (depending on the brand) and down a size in shirts.
But I only see the negatives. I cringe when I see myself naked in the mirror. I'm afraid to sit on chairs because I fear that they won't hold my weight and will buckle. I walk behind people because God knows I don't want the person walking behind me to be subjected to the view of my large body while they're walking. Seeing the looks of disgust or the giggles at my body size/shape when I'm out shopping. The look of disappointment when someone realizes they're stuck wedged to the large woman on the flight for the next few hours.
I need to figure out how to get out of this rut. I need the enthusiasm, the drive, the motivation to keep on plan and to feel absolutely determined to lose this weight. But I only feel just crushed, devastated, depressed.
And then I plateaued.
I've gained and lost the same 7 pounds since that time. My lowest I've been in 3+ years was 292.4 - which happened two weeks ago. And then the bottom fell out - the last two weeks have been emotionally trying. When times are emotional, I eat. And it's reflected in my last two weigh-ins. I wasn't going to go, but my at-work husband asked if I was going today and I felt like I couldn't let him down. It was exactly the accountability that I needed to chalk up the gain and move on.
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| "Now". Me, May, 2015. Down 35 lbs at the time. |
But I only see the negatives. I cringe when I see myself naked in the mirror. I'm afraid to sit on chairs because I fear that they won't hold my weight and will buckle. I walk behind people because God knows I don't want the person walking behind me to be subjected to the view of my large body while they're walking. Seeing the looks of disgust or the giggles at my body size/shape when I'm out shopping. The look of disappointment when someone realizes they're stuck wedged to the large woman on the flight for the next few hours.
I need to figure out how to get out of this rut. I need the enthusiasm, the drive, the motivation to keep on plan and to feel absolutely determined to lose this weight. But I only feel just crushed, devastated, depressed.
