A loss is a loss.

I weighed in yesterday at my weekly WW meeting: down 2.2 lbs.  I should be happy with that loss, since I know that it's a healthy amount of loss for a week's timeframe.  However, when you're 300+ lbs, 2 pounds seems like you're chipping an ice cube off of a glacier.  I need to think of it as being just once closer step to my first number of my weight being a "2".

I'm continuing to stick very well with plan.  I haven't dipped into any of my 'weekly overage' points yet, and it's already Thursday.  I got in a 5K on Tuesday night with Sierra and and tonight I've got grass volleyball league.  Let those activity points accumulate!

Do I get hungry on this new plan?  Oh HELL yes.  I've done a good job of bringing small snacks into work to munch on when I do get hungry at my desk during the day.  My two favorites at the moment: a serving of stick pretzels and  an orange.   I'm also really good at getting up and filling my water bottle when I'm feeling that hunger urge as well. 

An Outpouring of Support

Over the last day, I've been overwhelmed - in a good way - in the amount of support I've received from my friends and family.  I posted a link to my blog yesterday on Facebook and have received dozens of private and public messages of encouragement since that time.  I'm so incredibly blessed to have this support, and it gives me even more drive to continue on the path that I've started.

One of those messages came from a resident from when I was an R.A. in college.  She reached out yesterday and gave me my first 'fun' celebration goal: when I hit the 250 mark (just over 50 pounds from now), we are going skydiving!  I've always had that on my bucket list of things to do, and so has she.

My planned 'splurge' dinner plans with a friend at Buffalo Wild Wings for tonight fell through, so I'm going to go in the opposite direction and take Sierra on my newly discovered 5K loop in my neighborhood.  Tonight marks a temporary end to our "manageable" weather.  Tomorrow's high is 96.  I'm going to take advantage of this evening's nice weather by getting out and earning some activity points.

I will finish this morning's blog posting with this foodie find: Laughing Cow cheese is the BOMB.  Only 1 WW+ point per wedge!  I recommend the Queso Fresco and Chipotle flavor.  Delicious!

My 25 Reasons to Lose Weight (Part 1)

I attended my second WW meeting last week.  Yes, I skipped the second week's meeting because I knew already what the outcome would be - a significant gain since the first week.  Since the start, I gained about a half pound.  I saw that as a victory, since I knew how badly I did in my first week on the plan.  I got myself back on plan and came out even.

In this week's meeting, our facilitator assigned us with a task.  What are your 25 reasons to lose weight?  25, I thought?  I don't know if I can come up with that many.

So, here goes...let's see if I can do this.  These are not in any particular order.

1.  Health.  People assume that those that are overweight deal with many health issues.  I'm, in fact, extremely healthy.  My cholesterol is normal, my blood pressure is slightly elevated - but I blame stress for that one.  However, I have a fear of becoming diabetic.  I feel that I've blossomed (heh, it makes it sound so beautiful) to a weight where I really need to be concerned with that.  At my yearly physical, I continue to check my glucose levels and I've consistently been in the normal (to low) range.  So, I'm okay right now, but I don't want to continue to fear that "D" word.

2.  Self-Esteem.  I don't want to look in the mirror any longer - especially when I'm naked - and be completely disgusted.  I was an attractive woman in my mid-20s.  I want to get there (or at least near there) again and feel confident in myself when I go places.  I don't want to worry about if someone is looking at me and wrinkling their face because of my size.  If you have know me, you know I'm a follower when I walk in groups of people (3 or more).  Why?  I don't want people to have to look at my backside.  I'm uncomfortable with it.

3.  I want to wear a two-piece swimsuit again.  Yes, I own two-piece suits now - but they're tankinis and halter-kinis.  They don't count.  I don't show my midriff.  Oh HELL no.  But I'd like to again.  Someday. 

4.  I'd like to run a 5K from start to finish.  For those that have been following me over the last year or so, you know that I have an ambition to run a 5K from start to finish.  Run it.  Not walk it.  Or walk and run it.  Run the entire damn thing.  Even in college, when I had to do a timed 2-mile run for soccer, I couldn't do it then.  And I was a 100+ lbs lighter.  I know that the ONLY way for me to reach this goal that I've had forever is to lose weight.  It's hard enough on my joints to move this much weight around.  It will only be easier to make this goal by losing some pounds.

5.  I want to fit - comfortably - in a booth at a restaurant.  Booths are not built for people that have extra weight around their middle.  Just sayin.'

6.  I want to shop in the Misses section at the department store.  Not the Womens or Plus Size section.  I said this in a past post.  Right now, I can sometimes get away with wearing a size XL shirt from the Misses section depending on how it's cut.  But because I carry most of my weight below the waist, there's no way I could wear a Misses size in pants.  Plus-sized fashion designers - for the most part - design clothes for plus size women that are completely atrocious.  I don't want to wear a mu-mu.  Or something that has a print that resembles that of a mu-mu.  We're overweight.  Not old.  I'm 36.  That doesn't work for me.

7.  I don't want to weigh as much as - or more than - an NFL lineman.  I don't think I have to explain this one any further.

8.  Airplanes.  I don't want to use a seatbelt extender on an airplane.  I actually stole one (by accident), so I have one to travel with if needed.  I typically don't bring it with me.  And I'm embarassed to ask for one.  So, usually, I'll fake that my seatbelt is fastened.  I'm so wedged into the damn seat anyway that I'm probably not going to even budge given an emergency situation.  I also don't want to get "that look" when the person that is stuck in a middle seat has to deal with me and my size for a few hours in a window seat.  I try to lean as much toward the window as I can so that I'm not intruding on the person sitting in that seat.  But I still get "that look" often.

9.  I want to keep up with my nephews.  My three-year-old nephew is getting faster and faster.  And I'm feeling slower and slower.  When he portrays Superman and runs around the house, wanting me to chase him, I want to be able to keep pace.  I tried doing that yesterday and managed to somehow tweak my ankle.  Enough of that BS.

10.  I want to enter the dating scene again.  I do NOT feel comfortable dating at this size.  This goes hand-in-hand with #2 - if I'm not comfortable with myself, how to I expect someone else to be comfortable with me?  I don't expect for guys to find me attractive in my current state.

10 for now.  I'll do some thinking and try to finish this list...
__________________________

I had a good weekend - stayed on plan and got some exercise.  I'm weighing myself at home periodically and am seeing some pounds lost as the week goes on as well.  Let's hope that trend continues through Thursday, which is my next WW meeting and "official" weekly weigh-in.  I am feeling better too.  I'm doing a better job of making myself eat some breakfast before I leave the house in the morning.  It's very true - starting out with a breakfast - even if it's minimal - can help you out for the rest of the day.  It doesn't leave me completely starving by the time I hit 11 or 11:30, which is when I typically have lunch. 

I've got a busy week ahead of me.  One with a lot of evenings eating out - meeting a friend for dinner Tuesday night (that will be my planned 'splurge' evening of the week at BWW), dinner and a movie with some friends on Wednesday night, grass volleyball league on Thursday night and dinner with friends on Friday night.  As long as I make good choices and am good during the day leading up to those evenings, I will be fine.  If I plan, I do MUCH better.  We'll see how this goes...

First Week of WW: Epic Fail.

I started a new job on 5/29.  I go through the same struggle in every new job - the feeling of worthlessness, frustration with a slow learning curve, and if I'm bored with nothing to do, I fester in my own thoughts and frustrate myself to no end.  This new job is no different, and is exactly where I find myself at the beginning of week 3.

So, needless to say, I haven't done well to start on WW.  I've leaned on eating more than ever to suppress my feelings above, and it's showed in the lack of sticking with the WW program that I started last Wednesday.  I'm frustrated and disappointed in myself.  I've cried already 3 times today.  I'm hoping to weigh in on Wednesday AT the same weight that I started at last week.  It's a horrible goal, I know, but I need some sort of goal that I can achieve right now.  Because I sure as hell don't feel successful. 

Damn You, Kung Pao

So, two weeks ago, I started a new job.  I'm no longer working in downtown Minneapolis and am instead working in a suburb just West of downtown.  When I was at Capella, I rode the bus everyday and had a very in-tact routine.  That has been thrown out the window with the new job.  I'm waking up at a different time.  I'm trying to determine what I need to put in my work bag to have for the day.  I need to figure out what commute route I'm going to drive today to minimize my time on the road.  And I'm so very tired right now - my brain isn't firing on all cylinders.

So, with that said, I forgot my lunch yesterday.  I prepared it - a Lean Cuisine, a yogurt and an orange - and left my lunch bag sitting on the kitchen counter when I left for work.  As lunchtime approached, I realized that with my new office, I'm near my favorite Chinese restaurant - Tea House (http://ourteahouse.com/Default.aspx).  I had a craving - a major one - for the Kung Pao Chicken that they have on their buffet menu.  It's ah-may-zing - sweet and spicy at the same time, tossed with red peppers and peanuts.  I haven't eaten at Tea House since I went to Capella - so it's been nearly 3 1/2 years since I've had this treat.  So I went ...and indulged on my favorite dish.  And as I walked out to the car - I groaned out loud.  I knew I had eaten too much.

I need to continue to figure out a way to get my mind off of the bad and onto the good.  And since just the discussion about this delicious dish has made me hungry, I will proceed to dip into my lunch and eat an orange.  It's not Kung Pao, but it will have to do.

A New Day

You've seen those Jennifer Hudson Weight Watchers (WW) commercials.  "It's a new start...it's a new day..."

Well, I guess I've got to start somewhere.

Me, in 4th grade - 1986.

I never dealt with weight issues growing up.  I could eat anything and everything and not gain a pound.  I had a fantastic metabolism.  I was also extremely active, growing up in the years before PSPs and Internet.  Playing with friends typically involved riding bikes, playing football in the street, or, if we had enough people, playing a game of Capture the Flag in someone's yard.  I played sports throughout middle and high school and remember thinking that I was 'fat' at around 160 pounds.  I was tall and lean, but still had curves - hips, thighs and a pronounced booty. 

Me, at my college graduation party - 1998.

College, and the introduction of beer into my diet, was most certainly the beginning of my downfall.  My metabolism started to slow at that point, and even though I was playing collegiate soccer (albeit a goalie), participating in several intramural leagues and attending aerobics classes, I was starting to gain weight.  In my Senior year, I started to get self-conscious about my size.  I worked at a college-town bar as a shot-girl.  There were two of us - Carrie, the ditzy shot girl with a rockin' body and me, the fat shot girl with a personality.  Well, at least that's how I referred to myself.  When I graduated college, I weighed just under 200 lbs.

Entering the professional world put me behind a desk 8-10 hours a day.  The pounds continued to go on, year over year.

I've tried "diet" plans in the past.  Atkins probably gave me the most loss at the quickest rate - but it was also the least healthy.  After going off that plan, I put the weight right back on quickly, plus some.  Of all the plans I've tried, WW seemed the most logical and most 'normal'.  You can still eat what you want (for the most part), but you're doing a better job of portioning or making better food selections in general.  I've done the online-only WW program, where you use the web to diet and exercise.  However, I could fell off the wagon easily.  Most recently, I tried tracking food and excercise on MyFitnessPal, which was a watch-your-calories type of program.  I lost about 25 pounds...but I put back on 5.

I've determined that what I was missing one main component of a successful program: accountability.

Me, on a recent trip out West, at my starting weight.

Today I joined WW - both the online tracking and weekly meetings.  I weighed in today at a whopping 306 pounds.   I attended my first in-person meeting.  I sat in the very back row - with my WW partner-in-crime, AD - and absorbed.  Though I didn't feel like I fit in yet, it truly felt like a small community.  Everyone there was struggling with exactly the same thing I was.  I felt inspired.  I hope that inspiration continues and that the motivation from both the in-person program - and my partner-in-crime - will keep me on track to achieve my end goal.

End goal: One-derland (a three digit weight that starts with a 1) and a size 14/16.  I want to be able to shop - tops and bottoms - in the "Misses" section at a store...not in the "Womens" section.  This would put me near my end-of-college weight.

Interim, baby-Step goal: Remove that front leading "3" from my weight and never, ever see it again.