Losing my best friend

Sierra, on our trip out West, May 2012.

Again, I know this is primarily supposed to be a weight loss blog.  December was tough - a holiday month is hard in itself to keep on track with my weight loss goals.  This can be even tougher when you're an 'emotional eater' and have just gone through the hardest thing of your life.

Friday, I ventured to Wausau for the weekend to spend the Christmas holiday with my parents, brother, sister-in-law and their family.  We had a good visit on Friday and Saturday.  The dogs got to hang out together, running outside and working as a team to chase a bunny out of the side woods.  Watching the delight and joy in Tanner's eyes (3 1/2 year old nephew) and hearing him say "Thank you, Jess" before even opening a present that I gave him was a true treat.  After we opened our gifts, however, things went downhill.  Sierra was in the living room area near the kitchen table and had an immense nose bleed.  Clots and a lot of blood.  I was able to corral her in the entry area on the wood floor where I held her head up and tried to get her nose to stop bleeding with wads of paper toweling.  After I couldn't stop the bleeding, I decided to take Sierra to the emergency vet.  They admitted her and tried to use an Epinephrine drip into her nose to stop the bleeding.  After their failed attempts - because she would get upset and sneeze out what was being dripped into her nose - they opted to sedate her and try again.  While she was sedated, I also chose to perform a set of X-rays on her snout.  Weeks earlier, after her first nosebleed, my regular vet took X-rays, but couldn't see anything conclusive on the shots.  This was partially because she wasn't sedated and shifted a little during the X-rays they took.  The X-rays from the ER vet concluded my fears - a tumor in her right nostril.  According to Dr. Mary, based on the film, it looked like there was a mass in there that "completely obliterated her sinus area" which was causing the occasional bleeding.  This would only get worse over time unless she had the mass surgically removed.  Surgery on a 12-year-old dog is not an easy task, so it was something that weighed heavy on my mind.  Later that afternoon, I took a very relaxed Sierra home with me after they stopped the bleeding.  Once we got her back to my parents' house, Mom and I took her into the bathroom and cleaned her nose and paws up with some hydrogen peroxide - she had blood everywhere.  We confined her to a small kennel so that she would relax away from the kids and dogs, but also so that she couldn't agitate herself, break the clot loose and start bleeding again. 

In the kennel, as she came out of her sedated state, she started to bleed again.  I tried to get it to stop again, using the same method I had the first time - tilting her head back and trying to hold paper towels on her nose.  At this point, I completely lost it, emotionally.  I didn't want her to suffer through this.  She licked me, because she could see I was upset.  My sister-in-law, Liss, came behind me to console me and at that point, my Mom called the ER vet again to see if they would admit her overnight.  The only way for her to heal was to relax and let her own body produce a clot without her trying to sneeze/snort it out.

First thing the next morning, I picked Sierra up from the vet, not knowing that this would be the final 'good' day that she would have.  She laid in her favorite spot - under the Christmas tree - coming out of her overnight sedation.  She didn't bleed from her nose.  She was completely relaxed.  Everyone let her rest.

That night, Sierra and I drove back home.  She was so happy to be home.  I cancelled my typical Sunday night event and spent the evening with her.  After we went to bed, that's when the downhill slide began.

She vomited several times in the middle of the night.  She had one nosebleed that I was able to stop.  But the worst thing was the diarrhea.  She would let me know that she needed to go out - about every half-hour - by jumping on the side of the bed or by panting next to my bed.  She didn't stop pooping.  The next day, she wouldn't eat her normal food, so I put her on a bland diet to try to firm things up - between cottage cheese, rice and ground turkey.  At first, she ate that - not a lot of it.  She constantly drank without issues - which comforted me.  But she couldn't keep anything in.  She was no longer vomiting, but she couldn't stop pooping pure liquid.

My last photo of Sierra, Christmas Day 2012.

Christmas Eve and Day, both Sierra and I relaxed as much as we could.  I had a flannel sheet that lined the living room, next to the Christmas tree, and on top of that was her dog bed.  She slept a lot when she wasn't asking to go out.  The low point was Christmas Day evening - when I noticed that she came over to me and was literally dripping out of her rear end.  She couldn't contain anything any longer.  At that point, I made make-shift diapers out of hand towels.  I had to confine her to her downstairs kennel because she couldn't control her bowels any longer.  I slept in my room alone that night, but woke up to the screaming of Sierra multiple times, letting me know she had soiled herself and needed to go out.  I can't get those screams out of my head.  But it was at that point that I knew that I had to make the hardest decision of my life.  I called and left a message with my regular vet, letting them know I needed their first appointment in the morning, 12/26.

I took Sierra to the vet at 8:30 on 12/26.  I talked with the vet, she looked at the X-rays from the ER vet and had read the patient history from the weekend.  I explained to her what had been happening since I returned to Minnesota.  She listened, sympathetically, as I explained in detail what had been happening.  She then confirmed exactly what I had the night before - and what was my biggest fear:  it was Sierra's time.  The vet sedated her, and I spent time with Sierra alone while we waited for that sedation to take effect.  I sat with her and petted her nose, her ears, her neck, as she shook and panted heavily.  She was so scared.  What was I doing to her?  I sobbed, but tried to talk in a controlled voice, telling her that I loved her and that everything was going to be okay. 

A lie.  Nothing was going to be okay.  I was taking her life away from her.

Once she was sedated - still awake - but very relaxed - the vet and vet tech came in to put her down.  She passed peacefully - no convulsions, just one last breath, one last heartbeat, and she was gone.

These last few days have been the hardest ones of my life.  I lost my best friend.  Sierra loved me unconditionally and was always there for me - no questions asked.  I had more than 9 wonderful years with her and I wouldn't change that for anything. 

Sierra, I miss you so much.  I've never felt so lonely in my lifetime - a piece of my heart is literally gone forever.

Thankful.

I haven't been regularly blogging lately, and I apologize for that.

Last weekend was the Thanksgiving holiday, and I was home in WI for the weekend.  Whenever I'm at home, I always eat well.  I was nervous coming back to my WW meeting - I went Tuesday instead because I had a conflict yesterday - because I figured that after two weeks, I was going to likely gain.  I did - but it was only 0.8 lbs.  I was happy - I chalked that up as a success.  Even though I didn't eat to plan, I did make better decisions than I have in past holiday years when I did eat.  I didn't eat until I felt like I needed to be wheelbarrowed away from the table.  I ate more veggies - YAY for seasonal squash!  When I snacked, I figured out a serving and poured myself a bowl of the item - instead of taking the whole bag with me in front of the TV.  I still eat what I want to eat - but just do a better job of portioning it out.

It's a tough time of year for being on a weight loss plan.  Vendors send gifts to work, usually in the form of sweets, and they're put out by the water cooler.  Co-workers bring in food as well.  And we're having a potluck here at the end of the month in the office, and there's always an overabundance of food there.  And then it's already Christmas, and another trip to WI where again I'll eat very well.  I can tell you already that I'm looking forward to the famous cutout cookies that my mom makes.  I'll still enjoy them as I have in the past, but just in lesser quantities.

I'm very thankful for the willpower and determination that I've found to follow this plan since June.  Though it's been a very slow process in losing the weight, I find my successes not necessarily with the numbers on the scale, but in the way my clothes fit and how much quicker I move on the volleyball court. 

I'm also very thankful for the support that I've received from my friends and family throughout the process.  It's great to get an occasional e-mail from someone saying,"read your blog today, you're doing a great job and keep it up," or just a quick, "you are looking great" from someone after receiving a hug from them at a gathering.  Those little things keep me going, and I'm appreciative for that.

A new winter coat.

My original work Winter coat - a 3X - bought 2 years ago

My new work Winter coat - a 1X!

I updated my Facebook status a couple weeks ago with a success.  I'm just getting around to blogging about it.  (My apologies - I've been sick - completely different story...)

I had a 30% coupon to Kohl's, which is always an opportunity to get some deals.  I was slated to shop with my friend Vicki that day.  Before I left the house, I checked to see how my work Winter coat fit  Well, let's just say it didn't.  It was already somewhat big at the end of last Winter after my initial wave of weight loss - pre-Weight Watchers - and now, I was absolutely drowning in it.  It was a size 3X, so it wasn't too surprising.

Once I finally found the plus-sized Winter coats at Kohl's, one immediately stood out at me - a deep aqua-colored wool coat that had a tapered waist.  The front coat on the rack was a 1X, and I thought - what the hell - I'm gonna try it.  I buttoned it up, and almost started to cry.  It fit.  Comfortably.  I was wearing a coat not one, but two sizes down from my current coat.  Of course I bought the coat.

Recipe: Slow-Cooker Chunky Chicken Chili

Slow-Cooker Chunky Chicken Chili

1 can  (15 oz.) dark red kidney beans, rinsed
1 can  (15 oz.) light red kidney beans, rinsed
1-1/2 cups  TACO BELL® HOME ORIGINALS® Thick 'N Chunky Mild Salsa
1 can  (16 oz.) no-salt-added tomato sauce
2 Tbsp.  chili powder
1-1/2 lb.  boneless skinless chicken thighs, cut into bite-size pieces
1 onion, chopped
1 cup  frozen corn
1 cup  KRAFT Mexican Style Finely Shredded Four Cheese

Combine beans, salsa, tomato sauce and chili powder in slow cooker. Top with chicken, onions and corn. (Do not stir.) Cover with lid.  Cook on LOW 6 to 8 hours (or on HIGH 4 to 5 hours).  Stir just before serving. Serve topped with cheese.  Serves 8 (1 cup servings).

Nutrition Details: 340 calories, 12g fat, 33g carbs, 7g fiber, 27g protein.  Calculates to 9 WW+ points. 

Recipe credit:  Kraft Recipes.  Link: http://www.kraftrecipes.com/recipes/slow-cooker-chunky-chicken-chili-112395.aspx?cm_mmc=eml-_-rbe-_-20121106-_-1061&cm_lm=FCCBB36C767084428D76BE741CA2B6C2

My personal review (and modifications):  Awesome.  I was hesitant to put the raw chicken on the top of the chili, but it cooked through with no issues.  I cooked it on high for 3 hours and stirred it for the last 1/2 hour or so and it was amazing.  Served it topped with some cheese as suggested with some tortilla chips on the side.  Super easy - that's the way I like it.

Recipe: Grilled Cuban Chicken with Black Bean and Mango Salsa

Grilled Cuban Chicken with Black Bean and Mango Salsa

1/2 cup(s) orange juice
1/4 cup(s) cilantro, fresh, chopped
1/4 cup fresh lime juice
2 tsp olive oil
2 tsp minced garlic
1 tsp ground cumin
3/4 tsp table salt, or to taste
1/2 tsp black pepper, freshly ground
3 pound(s) uncooked boneless, skinless chicken breast
1 cup(s) canned black beans, rinsed and drained
1 cup(s) mango(es), fresh, cubed
2 tbsp red onion(s), chopped 

* In a small bowl, combine orange juice, cilantro, lime juice, oil, garlic, cumin, salt and pepper; remove 1/2 cup and place in a large zip-close plastic bag. Add chicken to bag and turn to coat; seal bag and refrigerate up to 12 hours.

* Meanwhile, to make salsa, add beans, mango and onion to bowl with orange juice mixture; toss, cover and refrigerate up to 12 hours.

* When ready to cook, coat grill or grill pan with cooking spray; preheat over medium-high heat. Remove chicken from marinade; discard marinade.

* Grill chicken, turning as needed, until cooked through, about 15 to 20 minutes. Transfer chicken to serving plates and spoon salsa over chicken; pour any liquid left in bottom of bowl over top. Yields 1 piece of chicken and about 1/2 cup of salsa per serving (about 6 servings).

Nutrition Details: 325 calories, 3.2g fat, 16g carbs, 3.3g fiber, 55g protein.  Calculates to 7 WW+ points.

Recipe credit: Weight Watchers Weekly, Summer, 2012.

My personal review (and modifications):  I was worried that since the "salsa" wasn't much of a sauce, that it wasn't going to be very good.  Was I proven wrong...it was amazing.  Lots of protein and fiber, so it was very filling.  My grill ran out of propane about 7-8 minutes into the grilling (dammit), so I finished it on the stove top in a sprayed frypan.  Worked out just fine!  Also, I didn't have orange juice on-hand - but did have low-sugar apple juice - was a fine substitute.  I have lots of leftovers, and I'm looking forward to eating those.  Definitely recommend this recipe.

Rest in peace, Jim.

I know this blog is about my weight loss journey - which is mainly a physical thing.  Those of you who have struggled with weight issues over time know that weight is also very much an emotional thing as well.  Therefore, I'm pausing from my typical physical update to give an update from an emotional standpoint.

I graduated with a degree in Marketing in December 1998.  When I graduated, I struggled with trying to know exactly where I was going to apply my degree.  I wasn't a typical marketer - like a MarCom type of person - I was analytical and liked digging into the details and solving concrete problems.  I graduated with a math minor, and I hoped to someday apply those skills in a position out of school.  At that time, analytics was still emerging as a toolset in marketing departments.  Luckily, I lived in the Minneapolis/St. Paul area, which became a huge hub of analytics.  When the entry-level position of Associate Marketing Analyst at Catalog Marketing Services (CMS) became available back in late 2001, I was excited: here was a marketing position with an analytic skillset.  I had to take a step backwards from my first job out of college from a pay perspective, but I knew that it was the right decision for the direction I wanted to go, professionally.

CMS was the kind of workplace that had people that were not only co-workers, but felt like family.  At the time that I started, the entire workforce was under 100 people.  I started there on 9/4/2001 - one week to the day before the September 11th attacks. 


Me and Jim, at one of the Graybill pool parties a few years ago.


One of the people I worked most closely at CMS with was Jim Graybill.  He was a marketing manager in my department, and was the strategy man.  Jim mentored me on how to analyze results from a strategic perspective and to develop "the dog-and-pony-show" around what all of the numbers were saying.  Like me, he was a music guru, and often we would quiz each other with various trivia facts about music.  He loved Bruce Springsteen, and loved to harass about my hates of "The Neils": Diamond and Young.  Like me, he was very blunt and sarcastic.  He was a very passionate man and could often be misunderstood.  I won't tell you that everyone liked working with him.  However, I found him to be one of the most genuine and sweet people that I know.  I hung out with him and his wife Sue outside of work as well and got to know their kids.

I left CMS in 2005 for a position with another company.  I kept the e-mail he sent me when I left.  (Yes, I keep everything.) 

> I wanted to tell you a few things
> how talented you are
> I have worked with many talented people over the last twenty some years
> You rock
> Believe in yourself
> I do
> You have a special gift
> I hope that you can fully realize it in your new job
>
> I will miss you
> more than words can say
> I care about you Jess
> Take care of yourself
> I just want you to be happy
>
> I will miss you
> both personally and professionally
>
> no good byes
> just see you later
> Jim

When I came to Infogroup 5 months ago, I realized that we provided analytical services to Jim's company.  I found myself on weekly conference calls with him.  Based on the banter in those calls, it was almost like we took from right where we left off 7 years ago.

Saturday morning, I received a call from Holly, who I worked with at CMS.  She told me that Jim had passed away in his sleep overnight.  I felt like I had been hit by a bus.  I just talked to him.  He was gone?  This can't be right.  The news hit me very hard.  I was supposed to play in my college soccer alumni game later that day and I honestly didn't feel like doing anything.  Jim wouldn't have wanted that.  So I picked myself up and went. 

Tomorrow are the services to remember Jim.  It will be an (unfortunate) reunion - bringing together people from the past (CMS) and the present (Infogroup). 

No goodbyes. 

We'll see you later, Jim.

First WW Milestone.

I had a feeling that going into yesterday that I'd be hitting the milestone I knew was so close.  And I hit it - on the money - with a 1.6 pound weight loss.

15 pounds lost.  5% of my total body weight. 

If you count the 20 pounds I lost before joining WW at the beginning of June - that puts me up to about a 35 pound weight loss so far since I've been working on this diet and exercise journey.

It was nice to get off the scale and head into the weekly meeting with this added wind in my sails.  I got a call out from the leader Julie and applause from the group.  After the meeting, two ladies - faces that I see every Wednesday at noon, yet still complete strangers - came up to me specifically and said that I'm doing a great job.  I think that, over and above, made me feel the best about hitting this first milestone.

Next milestone in line is 10% - another 15 pounds and down 30 in total on WW.  Here's to hoping that this next 15 pounds goes a lot more smoothly than the first 15...

A weekend away.

I house/dogsat this weekend for my parents.  It was a very relaxing weekend - I was able to catch up on a book I've been reading as well as make more of a dent in the 'Breaking Bad' TV series I've been watching on Netflix.  Things are so quiet at their place that it's just nice to turn off the electronics and decompress with very little outside noise.  It doesn't hurt to have a warm dog cuddling on your lap either.  True therapy.

My mom bought very friendly WW plan items...but she also had some tempting items that I usually don't have around my place.  I ate an entire vat - literally - of my mom's amazing home-made salsa.  That doesn't sound so bad, WW plan-wise.  But the amount of tortilla chips I ate with it were not so good.  :)  And on Friday, I stopped at the local Briq's for a medium ice cream cone with toasted coconut topping after making a good dent in my pocketbook for more clothes that fit.  I'm not much of a sweets person, but their soft-serve cones are awesome.  And can you really go wrong with toasted coconut topping?  I think not.

Anyway, I was expecting to come home to a pretty significant gain after splurging this weekend.  And I was amazed after stepping onto the scale last night.  A 1 pound loss, according to my scale.  Um, really?  I guess it wasn't nearly as bad as I had thought.  I guess we'll find out the true number on Wednesday.  It's still a good feeling.

I leave you today with a quote that my good friend Mary posted this morning on Facebook.  I found it very fitting for the journey that I'm on.

No matter how many mistakes you make or how slow you progress, you are still way ahead of everyone who isn’t trying.

~Unknown

Down, down, down...

Down 4.8 pounds.  A nearly 5 pound weight loss in a week's timeframe.

Before you get all "that's too much weight in a week" on me, let me explain...

Last week wasn't such a good week.  Let's just say that a 2 pound gain at last Wednesday's weigh-in was due to 'circumstances out of my control.' 

I've been wading through some 'womanly' physical issues for the last year or so.  I've been working with my doctor on diagnosis of the problem and have talked through potential treatments.  I'm currently waiting for results back from a recent biopsy to determine next steps.  I know this is all a very vague explanation.  Though I'm typically one for sharing: but in this case, it's definitely flagged in the way too TMI column.

Regardless, I will finish this blog posting with some words from Gwen Stefani:

"I'm the rough and tough.  I'm the rough and tough.  And nothing's gonna knock this girl down."

Recipe: Crock Pot Rotisserie Chicken & Italian Arugula Salad

Crock Pot Rotisserie Chicken

1 whole chicken
1/2 cup fat free chicken broth
1 tbsp paprika
1 tbsp onion powder
1 tbsp garlic powder
2 bay leaves
Salt & pepper to taste

Preheat broiler.  In a small bowl, combine paprika, garlic powder, and salt & pepper.  Rub chicken all over with seasoning, and place in a shallow baking dish.  Place chicken under broiler for about 10 minutes or until skin begins to darken and crisp.  Remove from oven and transfer to crock pot.  Add in broth and bay leaves, and cover with lid. Cook on low for 7-8 hours or high for about 4-5 hours.

Nutrition Details:  120 calories; 4.5g fat; 0g carbohydrates; 18g protein; 0g fiber. Calculates to 3 WW+ points.

Recipe credit: Mom!  Well, actually, she found it from LaLoosh.

Italian Arugula Salad

	2 Tbsp red wine vinegar
	2 Tbsp water
	2 Tbsp olive oil, extra virgin
	1/4 tsp table salt
	1/4 tsp black pepper, freshly ground
	8 cup(s) arugula, baby leaves
	2 cup(s) cremini mushroom(s), also known as baby bella, thinly sliced
	1 cup(s) grape tomatoes, halved
	1/4 cup(s) (sliced) uncooked red onion(s), thinly sliced
	1 oz parmesan cheese, Parmigiano Reggiano suggested, at room temperature

In a large bowl, whisk together vinegar, water, oil, salt and pepper until blended. Add arugula, mushrooms, tomatoes and onion; toss to mix and coat.   Makes 4 servings.

Nutrition Details:  3 WW+ points.

Recipe credit: Weight Watchers Weekly, August 2012.

My personal review:  Both were really good.  Chicken was falling off the bone when I removed it from the crock-pot.  It was very tender and juicy.  I didn't have bay leaves - because I had no idea where to get them!  (I was looking in the fresh herbs and I have since been told they are among the spices).  Had quite a bit of leftovers too - which is always good.  The salad was also delicious.  I didn't have any tomatoes on-hand and I used a Spring Mix instead of baby arugula - it worked out just fine.  The dressing was light and there was enough of it to coat the salad (that's always my fear - I hate dry salads).  All in all - it was a great meal - and I'll be eating it again a couple times this week.

My turn for applause.

Though I've lost my Weight Watchers partner-in-crime, I've been sticking with attending the weekly meetings in Edina.  Of course, that's the place where I have my Wednesday weigh-in, but the WW meetings themselves keep me on track and supply great feedback and lessons for the journey I'm on. 

Remember how I said in a recent blog post that I wanted to be clapped for?  I wanted a milestone of mine to be applauded by the attendees of the meeting?  Well, today I had that happen.  With my 1.4 pound weight loss this past week, I lost my first 10 pounds on WW.  Wow.  It took forever and was a very bumpy road to get here.  However, I need to keep telling myself that this is a "lifestyle change" and that the pounds won't just melt off.  I also need to stop measuring my success by the numbers on the scale alone.

An online friend of mine recently commented on my blog, saying that she was going to join WW.  I'm so happy for her and am excited to have another friend on this same journey.  Good luck, Miss Random, and I'm rooting for you! 

I also want to take this time to give a shout-out to all of my regular followers.  It is your encouragement that continues to drive me towards this goal.  I love each and every one of you.  Thank you.

A loss is a loss, right?

Felt so, so good going into today's weigh-in.

A loss of 0.6 lbs.

Really?

It was a traveling weekend, out of town to Southern California for 4 days to visit my aunt and uncle as well as two of my closest friends.  I had such a great time.  I was very active - I golfed (granted it was 9 holes, but I walked while carrying my golf bag), walked a bunch at a beach/street festival and walked each morning.  I also ate fairly well - I opted for a salad at Marie Callender's and bypassed Taco Bell completely on Saturday night when we hit the drive-thru in Torrance after a block party.  Since I've been on WW, I've managed to avoid Taco Bell - one of my former favorites - completely.  I hope to continue that trend.  I did splurge on a brat with kraut as well as french fries at the street fair this weekend.  But that was really the only off-the-plan diversion I had.  I will tell you this, though: hearing my friends tell me that they can see the noticable physical transformation and that they are 'proud of me' really does help keep me on track and continuing toward my end goal.

After about a 6 month haitus, I'm also back to writing in my journal as well.  Though I typically pour out a lot of what goes on from a health/fitness perspective here in my blog, there are just some things that I need to continue to outlet into my personal journal.  Keeping a journal keeps me get feelings out on paper.  As I mentioned in my last blog post, I can very easily bottle things up inside, and this helps me with a bit of release.  Somedays I write more...somedays less.  Regardless, I think it helps me stay sane - well, as much as I can, for those people who know how truly insane I am.  :)

My old-as-dirt Casual Corner shirt. 

I had to attend an earlier WW meeting today because of a firedrill requiring many meetings that I've been pulled into at work.  Today, I attended a meeting facilitated by Liz and was one of about 35 WW members in the room - about double the typical attendance that I'm used to.  There was great perspectives from lifetime members there - those that have been through the WW journey and continue to attend meetings to sustain their current weight.  They're easily identifiable, since they're the skinny ones.  :)  I was also sitting next to someone who announced that she hit her lifetime goal with this week's loss.  The stories that come out of the meeting are an inspiration to me.

Today, I'm wearing a shirt that I got at Casual Corner several years ago.  I've kept it through the years because I like it so much.  It's a lower size than what I typically wear and I actually smiled when I looked in the mirror this morning at how well it fit.  My waist is becoming more defined and I'm actually back towards something that resembles an hourglass shape.

Physical Health vs. Mental Health

(I apologize in advance for potential typos. Updating this  log on my iPhone...)
I didn't blog earlier this week after my weigh-in, mainly because of the preparation for my trip to the West coast. I had a great week - a 3.2 pound weight loss. This was a huge success, considering the last couple of weeks have been lackluster. It also was a huge success, because it means that my willpower at the Minnesota State Fair paid off.  Alaya also made it back to our WW meetings after a 3-week haitus, which was also awesome. She hit her 5% goal too. As much as I was happy with her, I was also frustrated because my progress has been extremely slow with the discipline I have had. I also have to remember that she is half my age (literally...18 vs. 36) and her metabolism hasn't decided to retire yet at her young age.

I have been dealing with a few physical health issues that aren't directly relate to my weight. I have a plan for what I need to do for those, but in the meantime, I am in some pain that I have to fight through. I am pretty tough when it comes to towering pain, but these last 6-8 months have been tough on me.

Along with the physical ailments, Ive also been in a pretty low emotional rut as well.  Its hard to explain it, and I can just chalk it up to the depression journey that I have been on for several years now.  You would think that weight loss would send me in the right emotional direction, but in fact, it seems to handling me in the opposite way.  I hate to talk about my problems with other people, mainly because I think, "why do they want to hear about what I deal with when everyone deals with their own problems?" I just have to work it out on my own. My way of dealin is to keep myself busy so that I don't over analyze. It's a coping mechanism that probably isn't the best (avoidance), but it is what it is.

Now back to vacation. Gotta enjoy this Southern CA weather.  Enjoy your holiday weekend!

A day at the MN State Fair

I spent the day today at the MN State Fair with my brother's family, which includes my 3-year-old and twin 6-month-old nephews.  I was so good.  My splurge of the day was a small bowl of one of the new fair foods of the year - bacon ice cream.  I had one cheese curd - bummed from my brother - and 2 deep fried pickle chips - bummed one each from my sister-in-law and brother.  And a Coke Zero Cherry.  That's it.  Considering all of the demons beckoning me, I did amazing.  I didn't need to eat to have fun - or stay busy.  :)  It was a very fun day.

Can you tell that I'm downright determined to have a good week?

Recipe: Sweet & Spicy Pork Tenderloin

Sweet & Spicy Pork Tenderloin

1/2 tsp ground cumin
1/2 tsp ground cinnamon
1/2 tsp salt
1/4 tsp ground black pepper
1/8 tsp garlic powder
1/8 tsp ground chipotle chile pepper
1 pork tenderloin (1 1/4 pounds)
1 tsp EVOO
2 tsp honey
1 tbsp minced garlic
1 1/2 tsp hot pepper sauce

Preheat the oven to 350.  Lightly mist a small roasting pan or oven-proof skillet with olive oil spray.  Set aside.

In a small bowl, combine the spices.  Rub the pork evenly with the olive oil.   Then rub evenly with the spice mixture until coated.  Cover loosely with plastic wrap.  Refrigerate for 15 minutes.

Meanwhile, in a small bowl, combine the honey, garlic, and hot pepper sauce.  Whisk to mix.  Set aside.

Set a large nonstick skillet over medium-high heat until it is hot enough for a spritz of water to sizzle on it.  With an oven mitt, briefly remove the pan from the heat to lightly mist with olive oil spray.  Place the pork in the pan.  Cook for 1 minute per side, or until browned on all sides.  Transfer to the prepared pan.  With a basting brush, evenly coat the pork with the reserved honey mixture.

Roast the tenderloin in the oven for 16 to 18 minutes, or until a thermometer inserted in the center reaches 160 degrees and the juices run clear.  Remove from the oven.  Cover the pork loosely with aluminum foil.  Let stand for 10 minutes.  Transfer the pork to a cutting board.  Cut into thin slices.  Serve immediately.  Makes 4 servings.

Nutrition Details: 221 calories, 30g protein, 10g carbs, 6g fat, 92mg cholesterol, less than 1g fiber, 375g sodium.  Calculates to 5 WW Plus points.

Recipe credit: "The Biggest Loser Cookbook" (2006)

My personal review: WOW.  This was the best recipe I've had out of this book yet!  It was the perfect combination of sweet and spicy.  You could put more tobasco and chipotle in for more spiciness.  Where it at was perfect for me - made my tongue tingle.  :)  I didn't have allspice, so I omitted that - couldn't tell any difference.  I marinated for a couple hours in the fridge.  16-18 minutes wasn't long enough to roast it - I had it in for a 1/2 hour at least before it was done.  Definitely making this again!

The Great Minnesota Get-Together

Me, sporting a sexy fish hat at the 2011 fair.

I'm planning on going.  Abso-effing-lutely.


Each year, for a 12-day run at the end of August, going through Labor Day: it's the "Great Minnesota Get-Together" (AKA the Minnesota State Fair).  I think I've missed the fair only once or twice in the 13 years that I've lived in the Twin Cities.  There are so many things to do and see.  Hands down, the people-watching is the best part, of course.

There is an amazing selection of food choices.  And every year, there's some new schtick that some vendor deep-fries and puts on a stick.  Today's WW meeting gave quite the eye opener to how bad typical foods at the fair really are.  Here's a list of some of the items - along with the WW+ point values.  (Just a fair warning.  You may want to stop reading here.)

• The state fair staple - the corn dog/pronto pup.  Just one will put you back 8 points.  Not so bad, right?
• A caramel apple without nuts is 8 points.  Again, not too shabby.  Oh, it gets worse...
• Thinking about heading to the dairy barn for that strawberry milkshake?  It's 16 points for 16 oz.  Yikes.
• Funnel Cake - 20-26 points, depending on what topping you choose.
• Sweet Martha's Cookies.  One cookie is 3 points.  I guess I'm thankful I'm not a sweets person.
• Unfortunately, I am a salt person.  My favorite snack at the fair: deep-fried cheese curds.  I always go to the same place - the mouse trap on the main drag, only a couple blocks away from the main entrance.  Drumroll, please?  4 points.  Per curd.  Good Lord...
• Do you typically enjoy the bucket of French Fries?  100 points, folks.
• Mini Donuts.  Again, I typically get an order of these, because they're oh-so-good.  26 points for that little baggie.  /sighs

There were a few options that were highlighted as well:

• Pickle on a stick.  I actually get this every year.  I love me some pickles.  0 points, my friends!
• Dole Whip - 1/2 cup - 2-3 points.
• Corn on the Cob - minus the butter - 2 points.  Add that butter?  Goes up to 7 points.
• Frozen chocolate-covered banana - 3 points.

Am I going to think twice about what to eat while I'm there?  Yes.  Am I still going to have fun?  For sure!  I don't need to splurge on deep-fried food to have a good time.  I'm looking forward to enjoying the 'people of Walmart' clothing displays, the happy screams of children and the various sights to see - including The Dominator from Stormchasers!  Hell yes!

Have a fun time at the fair, kids!

Up and down the rollercoaster.

It's been up and down lately, both on a physical and emotional spectrum. 

I've been hovering around the same weight now for the past few weeks, with not a lot of progress in the right direction.  I feel like I've hit a deep rut and I don't know exactly how to get out of it.  I feel as if my body is adjusting to the plan and the change in eating habits, but not necessarily in the right way.  What's weird is that my clothes are literally falling off, but I'm not seeing that adjustment on the scale at all.  I've had to buy some new pants in the last few weeks so that I'm not going with the "pants on the ground" type of attire to work.  To me, that's a success.  But, it's hard to celebrate when I don't see it in the numbers.  Tomorrow's going to be another flat-line weigh-in.  I've been monitoring things at home, and since I'm right in the middle of the "lovely time" right now - aka Jess' 10-12 days of hell - I always gain about 3-5 pounds just during this time alone.  This, my friends, is not encouraging.

Emotionally, I haven't been all that stable either.  I've been in my "new" job now for 3 months - I hit that milestone a week from today.  It's hard to say that I'm contributing much after this short of time.  And, though I wasn't a huge social butterfly in my old job, I'm yearning for some sort of work relationship here.  It's hard to find that in this office.  We're only 12 people strong here.  On the predictive modeling team, I'm the lone woman of 4 (if you include my direct supervisor).  I think they're still trying to feel out my personality, as am I with them.  I'm more of a guy than a girl as far as personality goes, and have always gotten along better with the guys.  So, why is this so hard? 

I know I need to give both of these area more time and more patience.  I'm not a very patient person, unfortunately.

Recipe: Garden Fresh Herb Sauce

Another good recipe!  It involved me grilling, which is never a good idea.  The fire department should always be on high alert when I turn a grill on.  I started my parents' grill on fire several years ago, and I will never live it down.  Again, this goes back to my brother gaining all of the culinary skill in my family.

I also got to use my food processor for the first time.  I received it as a 'tenure' gift with Carlson - um, yeah, in like, 2008.  Oops.  Well, it's officially used now!  :)

Garden Fresh Herb Sauce

4 cups fresh, loosely packed cilantro, stems removed
3 cups fresh, loosely packed parsley, stems removed
1 garlic clove, peeled
1 tsp red pepper flakes
1 tsp salt
1/4 cup white wine vinegar
2 tbsp olive oil

Pulse all ingredients in a food processor, scraping down sides, until the consistency is a wet paste.  Add a bit more vinegar if mixture is too dry.  Adjust flavor, if necessary, with red pepper flakes and salt.  Yields about 2 tbsp per serving, serves 8.

Nutrition Details: 1 WW point per serving.

Recipe credit: Weight Watchers Weekly, August 2012.

My personal review: Delicious.  Was a great change to dipping sauces or horseradish as a side garnish for steak.  I was worried that it would be bland because of all the herbs.  The red pepper flakes gave it a kick - I had added some additional because I like it spicy.  I didn't have white wine vinegar, so I used red wine vinegar - worked just fine.  I had two servings - for a point each, why not, right?  I'd recommend this for any grilled protein - not just steak.

Recipe: Pan-Fried Jerk Salmon with Tangy Apricot Sauce

  

Pan-Fried Jerk Salmon with Tangy Apricot Sauce

1 1/2 tbsp 100% apricot fruit preserves
1 tsp prepared horseradish

Spoon the preserves into a small microwaveable bowl.  Microwave on low power in 15 second intervals until hot.  Stir in the horseradish.  Set aside.

1 tsp jerk seasoning or rub
1 small (1/4 pound) boneless, skinless salmon filet

Rub the seasoning into the salmon to coat all sides.  Place a small nonstick skillet over medium-high heat until it is hot enough for a spritz of water to sizzle on it.  With an oven mitt, briefly remove the pan from the heat to lightly mist with olive oil spray.

Place the salmon in the pan, smooth side down.  Cook for 2 minutes per side.  Reduce the heat to medium.  Cook for 2 to 3 minutes per side.  Reduce the heat to medium.  Cook for 2 to 3 minutes per side, or until the salmon is opaque.  Transfer to a serving plate.  Spoon the reserved sauce over the salmon.  Serve immediately.

Nutrition Details:   270 calories, 23g protein, 16g carbs, 12g fat, 67mg cholesterol, trace fiber, 363g sodium.  Calculates to 7 WW Plus points.

Recipe Credit: "The Biggest Loser Cookbook" (2006)

My personal review: First time I've cooked salmon!  It was absolutely delicious.  I did make a double order - since I had plenty of points to spare for the day.  The sauce to accompany?  I added more like a tbsp instead of a tsp of horseradish, because I love me some horseradish.  AMAZING!  I could use that sauce on anything - steak, chicken, shrimp...you name it.  I'm definitely keeping that in mind for other meals I make.

"Why bother?"

My weight loss journey thus far can be described in two words: a rollercoaster.

This week - I had a good week again based on my tracking.  I even bypassed the burger last night for a spinach salad with balsamic dressing.  AND I avoided the fried foods at the Twins game on Monday and instead brought a serving of pretzels to eat while my friends nushed on the delicious stuff. 

After all that...I gained a pound.  Really? 

These are the times when I think, "why bother?" because when I try, it doesn't seem to pay off on the scale.

Today, one of the Wednesday noon meeting regulars had a big milestone: a 50 pound weight loss.  She said it took her about a year to get there.  When we have things to celebrate at a meeting, everyone claps to applaud their accomplishment.  As much as I was so happy for her - because it's a massive accomplishment, it just made me feel more deflated.

To make matters worse, my partner-in-crime has gone MIA.  The last two weeks she hasn't made it to the meeting.  In the 10 weeks we've been on WW, she's missed 4.  We joined together as a way to stick to the plan together and keep each other motivated.  Without her there, it's much tougher for me to stay motivated.

A weigh in brings a new week with a clean slate.  I guess we'll try this again...

Recipe: Greek God(dess) Salad

Greek God(dess) Salad

3 tbsp mined fresh parsley leaves
4 pitted kalamata olives, minced
1 clove garlic, minced
4 to 5 tbsp fresh lemon juice (preferably fresh squeezed)

In a serving bowl, combined the parsley, olives and garlic.  Whisk in the lemon juice.  Put aside.

1/2 medium cucumber, seeded and chopped
1/2 medium red or orange bell pepper, chopped
1 medium tomato, seeded and chopped
1/3 c finely chopped red onion
1 oz (heaping 1/4 cupe) crumbled reduced fat feta cheese
1 small (4 oz) grilled chicken breast (optional)

Add the cucumber, bell pepper, tomato, onion  and 3 tbsp of the cheese.  Toss to coat the ingredients with the dressing.  Taste and add up to 1 tbsp more lemon juice, if desired.  Scatter the chicken over the salad, if desired.  Top with the remaining cheese.  Makes 2 servings.

Nutrition Details:   106 calories, 5g protein, 15g carbs, 4g fat (if use fat free Feta, only 1g fat), 5mg cholesterol, 3g fiber, 315g sodium.  Calculates to 3 WW Plus points.

Recipe Credit: "The Biggest Loser Cookbook" (2006)

Grocery Shopping and My Weekly Food Prep Day

Sunday has turned into my food prep day.  I typically come up with the week's food menu, which helps me stay away from picking up the phone and ordering out.  I've done extremely well with that since I started on WW.  I've yet to call Pizza Hut, Papa John's or Dominoes as my dinner as I've been on the plan.  Considering I was doing that at least once a week before, that's definitely a huge shift in my diet.  I usually will sit down and look through my cookbooks where I've ear-marked things to try and write down the ingredients for the items I need to buy.  I make a list of my 'To Make' items on my refrigerator's white board and make sure that I know what my options are for the week's dinners.  I then get together all of the coupons I need for said items.  Then I grocery shop. 

Grocery shopping is my most hated chore.  Like my mom says, I'd rather clean toilets than grocery shop.  So true.  Why?  Well, let's see - here's a few reasons off the top of my head:

My most hated aisle at the grocery store: the 'chip' aisle.

No matter how good I feel my list is, I always manage to forget something.

Dealing with the inconsiderate d-bags that are on their phone, leave their cart in the middle of the aisle and have no concern for anyone else around them. 


People working the checkout who have no idea how to bag items properly.  (Luckily today, I had a complete rockstar.)

Most of all: the temptations.  I have to make sure that I go shopping on a full stomach.  I then don't feel the impulse of eating everything in site.

Today, I went on an empty stomach.  For the most part, I was good.  However, I got two items from the most hated aisle and not on my list.  Though, I selected those items by scanning them with the WW app that determines point values per servings. 

• Stacy's Pita Chips - Naked, Nothing But Salt - 4 WW points
• Archer Farms Sea Salt & Vinegar Baked Potato Chips - 3 WW points

So, just a few of my planned items for the week:  jerk salmon (with my friend LD's kick ass jerk seasoning), pork chops with apples and sauerkraut (slow cooker, baby!) and sweet and spicy pork tenderloin.  We'll see how they turn out - these are all new recipes that I haven't tried before.

Recipe Sharing

Today's WW meeting was a good one: members brought recipes to share with the group that were friendly to the plan.  There were some fantastic ones that I know I will be trying out.  Here are some samples:

• Parmed-Up Broiled Tilapia (http://www.hungry-girl.com/weighin/printable-recipe/333) - 4 WW+ points
• Coconut Cream Pie (http://www.hungry-girl.com/newsletters/raw/1572) - 4 WW+ points per slice
• Chicken w/Apples and Cider (http://www.mealsmatter.org/recipes-meals/recipe/42020) - 9 WW+ points per serving
• Parmesan Turkey Meatloaf (http://recipes.sparkpeople.com/recipe-detail.asp?recipe=1598573) - 5 WW+ points per serving
• Tex Mex Bean Salad (http://www.weightwatchers.com/food/rcp/RecipePage.aspx?recipeId=131941) - 9 WW+ points per serving
• Grilled Flank Steak with Corn, Bean and Avocado Salad (http://www.weightwatchers.com/food/rcp/RecipePage.aspx?recipeid=133381) - 7 WW+ points per serving
• Chile-Rubbed Chicken with Fresh Pineapple Salsa (http://www.weightwatchers.com/food/rcp/RecipePage.aspx?recipeid=213151) - 5 WW+ points per serving
• Spiced Honey Almonds (http://www.weightwatchers.com/food/rcp/RecipePage.aspx?recipeid=125781) - 3 WW+ points per serving 

I don't typically participate in meetings, but today, I shared my Chicken Quesadilla recipe that I posted a couple weeks ago.  I mentioned my blog address and several members wrote it down.  Yay for more accountability!  I'm really getting a lot out of the meetings, even though I'm not one to typically share.  It's comforting to know that people of all shapes, sizes and ages are struggling with the same issues that I am.

I had a 1.2 pound weight loss over the course of the week.  Again, not really ground-breaking numbers to share.  But it's a loss.  I need to be happy that the needle is moving in the right direction.  I just *feel* better - physically, mentally and emotionally.  That, itself, is a success.

Article: 5-So-Called Health Foods You Should Avoid

An interesting read:
http://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/wellness/5-so-called-health-foods-you-should-avoid/2012/01/31/gIQA6E7vfR_story.html

• I've been into Popchips lately because of the point value and ability to curb my salt-fix.  I probably won't cut them out completely, but I will be trying some alternatives that they suggest in the article.  There are a few new flavors of Sunchips out there right now - they're all delicious.
• I agree that the 'multigrain' vs. 'whole grain' can be confusing as well.  You're not always making the right choice.
• I was on a Vitamin Water kick for awhile, and it was a great thirst quencher for golfing.  I'll be sticking with the straight-up water alternative.  You can't EVER go wrong with water, after all.

On another note, it was a good (yet very fast) weekend.  Spent time with my brother's family on Saturday, which is always fun.  Got out for a round of golf on an absolutely beautiful (and cooler) day yesterday.    Why can't weekends drag on like the work weeks do?  Time does fly when you're having fun.

Targeted official weigh-in is Wednesday.  Based on my home scale, I seem to be having a good week, making up (and some) for my bad week last week.  I'm also noticing that my clothes are also fitting better as well - my favorite knee-length jean shorts that I go to for golfing were literally falling off yesterday.  I'm still holding out to do any shopping until I'm really in trouble as far as too-big clothes go.  It's very tempting, especially since I got the golden ticket this weekend: a 30% off coupon at Kohl's.

Well...

...I was nervous going into yesterday's weigh in, and apparently it was for good reason.  I gained 3 pounds since last Wednesday's weigh in.  As my friend Laura said - it was all liquor!  I had a great eating weekend - very much on the plan.  It was just the drinking that did the empty calorie toll.  On Monday, when I was golfing, I could tell I was extremely dehydrated because I drank 5 bottles of water and a gatorade...without having even a minor urge to go to the bathroom.  So, it's very possible I was water-weighing it yesterday too. 

It's a new week, I guess.

Racking up some activity points this week with golf on Monday, volleyball tonight and golf again on Sunday.  Hopefully I can make those pounds back this week.

Also - couple other minor successes - I've made it so far without ordering pizza AND stopping at Taco Bell on the way home from work.  I'm not even really craving them either, which is great.  Now to somehow get Chipotle on that list.  Okay, maybe not.  I need to have *one* splurge.

A smile.

Me, at 296.5 pounds.  Sierra with the photobomb.

Woke up this morning and got ready for this weekend's trip to bumble-F, and looked in the mirror and smiled.  Not sure if it's the outfit, but I felt good.  Felt leaner.  It's the first time I've really felt that way since I started.  My clothes have started to fit better - which in my eyes, is much more satisfying than what I see in numbers on the scale.

Speaking of numbers, the WW facilitator this week says that she regrets not taking measurements throughout her weight loss process.  All she has to go by were the numbers on the scale.  So, I've decided to take measurements on a monthly basis as well, starting on 8/1.  I'll measure my bust, my waist, my hips, and the circumference of my arms and thighs.  Of course, it would have been more satisfying to see that from the very beginning, but I can't turn back time.  I'm already feeling and seeing the difference in my stomach area.  And my boobs (of course) - last place to gain, first place to lose.  Heh.

Anyway, I'm off to the wilderness.  A weekend of empty calories in the booze I will be drinking.  Hopefully I'll offset it with morning walk/runs down the rural road with a very happy Sierra and some swimming tomorrow in the St. Croix.

Have a wonderful weekend!

Short-term goal achieved!

When I started this journey 6 weeks ago, I said that my short term goal was to lose the '3' as my leading digit on my weight.  Yesterday, I hit that milestone - and some - with a -3.4 pound weight loss for the previous week.  That makes two good weeks in a row - -4 and -3.4. 

So, my new short-term goal is my 10% threshold - 275 pounds.  I've got just over 20 pounds to go to hit that threshold. 

My long-term goal is, and will continue to be, "one-derland."

This is my Friday today, with a weekend in the wilderness ahead.  It's my annual weekend with the Row Vegas crew at a cabin in Northeastern Minnesota.  The good news is that we'll be remote and there will be a lot of activity and not a whole lot of food temptation.  However, there will be intake of a bunch of empty calories in liquor.  I'm looking forward to the kick-back weekend, because I know I deserve it.  We'll see how I come out of it with next week's weigh-in.

Recipe: Pecan-Crusted Chicken

Tonight's delicious yumminess was another page out of the "The Biggest Loser Cookbook" (2006).  Besides the recipe below, I paired tonight's dinner with some mushrooms tossed in balsamic vinegar and baked.  YUM.

Pecan-Crusted Chicken

1 large egg white
2 tbsp minced roasted pecans (I didn't roast them ahead of time, worked just fine)
1 tsp chopped fresh parsley leaves (I didn't have any - was just fine without)
1/4 tsp salt
2 small (1/4 pound) boneless skinless chicken breasts, trimmed of visible fat
Honey mustard or Dijon mustard to dip

Preheat the oven to 350.  Lightly mist a small nonstick baking sheet with cooking spray.

In a small, shallow bowl, beat the egg white with a fork.

In a small bowl, combine the pecans, parsley and salt.  Spread half of the mixture on a sheet of waxed paper.  Dip 1 chicken breast into the egg white to coat.  Place the smooth side of the breast on the nut mixture.  Press to adhere.  Place the breast, nut side up on the prepared baking sheet.  Repeat with the second breast and place on the baking sheet, not touching the other breast.

Bake for 20 minutes or until no longer pink.  Let stand 5 minutes.  Serve with honey mustard/dijon mustard for dipping, if desired.

Nutrition Details:  183 calories, 28 g protein, 1 g carbohydrates, 7 g fat (less than 1 g saturated), 66 mg of cholesterol, less than 1 fiber, 379 mg sodium.  Calculates to 4 WW Plus points. 

Recipe Credit: "The Biggest Loser Cookbook" (2006)

Looking GOOD, Billy Ray! FEELING good, Louis!

I posted this quote from "Trading Places" earlier on Facebook.  Some people thought I was just being silly, but it was truly how I was feeling at the time of the post.

I had my weekly weigh in today.  I knew it was a good sign when the WW attendant who was checking me in and weighing me said, "Great week!".  I had lost 4 pounds since last Monday.  Going into today's weigh-in, I wasn't sure how it was going to be going into this week.  On paper, things looked good - but I've been burned by that before.  I traveled for business last week.  And I was also at home for a few days, where my mom feeds me well.  I made good choices, though, and it obviously paid off.  The same attendant reminded me that I was just over a pound away from my first number on my weight being a 2.  I'm almost to my short-term goal that I set in the very beginning of this journey.  It feels like forever ago - and a long time coming - but it's that close to being reached.

I've been in a workout drought - mainly because of our real drought.  It's been in the 90's and 100's as long as I can remember, and that's certainly not conducive to doing any type of activity outside (by choice).  The last time I played volleyball, I was home the following morning with heat exhaustion.  I really want this heat to subside so that I can get back outside walking again.  My goal of monthly 5K races has also fallen by the wayside, as I haven't done one since May.  I'm hoping to get one on the calendar in August, when my schedule frees up again.

I am a little concerned about my blood pressure.  On Saturday, it was low enough for me to have dizzy spells upon standing up along with constant nausea.  My mom took my BP for me that night, and it was 110/55.  I typically am in the 130/80 range.  Since Saturday, I haven't had any issues, but I'm obviously going to keep an eye on things.

Surviving the Slip-Ups

"I've failed over and over and over again in my life, and that is why I succeed." - Michael Jordan

Definitely a good mantra to live by.  This is my third time on Weight Watchers - the first two times were doing the online-only tracking.  This time around, I'm doing the online tracking but have also included the accountability and education that comes with the weekly meetings.  This week's meeting was all about learning from slip-ups.  The message conveyed: mistakes will be made...nobody's perfect.  What really matters is how you learn from those mistakes and move on. 

One mistake that comes to mind that I've definitely learned by with going on this program: counting out true servings.  In the past, I used to just grab the bag of chips or the box of crackers and just eat until I felt full.  Instead, I'm getting out a bowl and dishing myself what is a true serving based on what the snack bag/box says.  If I still feel hungry after that 'true' serving of what I ate, I grab some fruit.  Free points that don't count toward my daily allowance.

I'm on a business trip this week.  It's definitely harder to stick with plan when you don't have specific items in your fridge to choose from.  You have to go with the force - what's available on a quick timeframe OR making the right choice when you're faced with not a lot of options of dinner locations.  All of this while trying to stay healthy at the same time.  Tonight, my dinner was at "the best burger joint in town" - Nutz Deep II.  (Waiting for laughter from my reading audience on that name.  Yes, I bought a tee shirt.  I HAD to.)  Though the burgers on the menu sounded absolutely amazing, I opted for a grilled chicken ranch sandwich (with bacon!).  It was delicious.  And much healthier than the burger alternative.  Fries would have been an extra cost to the meal.  Since I'm on the business expense budget, I opted out.  Perfect - less temptation.  I had a very miniscule serving of potato chips - actually looked like a 'true' serving - not a 'restaurant' size serving.  I said no to the beer and opted instead for a Diet Coke.  However, I did partake in a few cheese curds in the appetizer.  Regardless, I was proud when I left.  I made good decisions - all on an empty stomach.  I'm not sure I could have said that a couple months ago.

Monday's weigh-in was a successful one.  Down 1.6 pounds.  Again, it's not like the weight is melting off, but it's a loss.  I felt that it should have been more based on the week I had "on paper" last week with diet and exercise.  I need to be happy with the baby steps.

Recipe: Chicken Quesadillas

I'm an awful cook.  My brother inherited all of my mom's culinary skills.  I can't randomly pull something together using ingredients around the house.  I think this is one of the main reasons why I get extremely nervous to have people over around mealtimes.  If I screw something up for me - I'm the only person that's shit out of luck.  If other people are there expecting a great meal from me...well, yeah...

However, I'm decent at following recipes.  I've been searching my cookbooks for items to make for my dinners during the week.  I found a good one in "The Biggest Loser Cookbook" that I made for dinner this evening that was DELICIOUS and figured I'd share it.

 Chicken Quesadillas

2 ounces boneless, skinless chicken breast
1 whole-wheat flour, 96% fat-free tortilla (8" diameter)
1/2 cup (1 ounce) finely shredded 75% light cheddar cheese

For rub:
1/4 tsp chili powder
1/4 teaspoon paprika
1/4 teaspoon onion powder
Pinch of garlic powder
Pinch of salt
Pinch of ground cumin (I used cumin seeds since I didn't have ground cumin, worked out just fine)

Preheat grill.  In a small bowl, combine the rub spices and rub the mixture evenly over the chicken.  Cover with plastic wrap and refrigerate for 10 minutes for flavors to blend.

Place the chicken on the grill and lower the heat to medium.  Grill the chicken for 2-4 minutes per side or it is no longer pink and the juices run clear.  Set aside for about 10 minutes.  Chop the chicken coarsely.

Preheat a medium nonstick skillet over medium heat.  With an oven mitt, briefly mremove it from the heat to mist with cooking or olive oil spray.  Lay the tortilla in the pan and cook for 30 seconds.  Flip the tortilla and evenly scatter cheese over half of the tortilla.  Top with the chicken.  With a spatula, fold the tortilla in half over the filling.  Cook for 1-2 minutes.  Flip and cook another 1-2 minutes.  Slice into wedges.

Nutrition Details: 242 calories, 26g protein, 25g carbs, 5g fat (2g saturated), 43mg cholesterol, 3g fiber, 454mg sodium.  Calculates to 6 WW Plus points.  (I made two servings for myself.)

Recipe Credit: "The Biggest Loser Cookbook" (2006)

Article: Ideal Weight

I woke up to this article being on Yahoo! this morning, and I thought I'd re-post it.  http://health.yahoo.net/experts/losingitwithliz/4-myths-ideal-weight

Myth #1 is creepily close to me - maybe I'm being too ambitious by trying to hit 185-190, which is my college graduation weight.  Regardless of that being too ambitious, that number is SO far off, that I'm just trying to make the small milestones at this point: 1) a 2 as my first number and 2) 10% or down 30 lbs.  I feel that if I look at the more short-range goals, I'm more apt to stick with it.

I'm getting over my tantrum from Tuesday's weigh in and am basically flicking off the scale until next week's weigh-in.  Yesterday, though it was a holiday, was a VERY good day.  I had a delicious NY strip - my brother is perhaps the best grillmaster ever.  That, and a can of Honey Weiss, was my splurge for the day.  Otherwise, I had a serving (without seconds...monumental, folks) of the pasta salad I made, corn on the cob and a ton of the fruit salad I brought.   And I said no to the cupcake that I was offered.  Small things that will hopefully add up.

Supposed to hit 98 degrees today.  And I'm playing volleyball tonight.  Well, if I had any water weight on Tuesday's weigh-in, it will certainly be gone after tonight's match.

Eff you, scale.

When I ended the week on Sunday night, I had 39 activity points earned and 28 weekly points remaining for a total of 67 points that I didn't even dip into. 

So, it should have been a good week, right?

I gained 0.4 pounds.

Really?  I feel bad for AD, who had to deal with my sulking butt through our Weight Watchers meeting today.  How could I have gained weight after a very good week on paper?  These, my friends, are the moments where I wonder why I bother trying.  If I stick with the plan and do what they say - and gain weight - then, what's the point?  I did get a gift from AD after the meeting - a bag of Pop Chips, her go-to delicious salty snack.  Of course, she had another 3 pound loss this week - which makes about 9 pounds so far.  I need to remember that she's 18 and has a much more active metabolism than I do.

It's still effing frustrating, regardless.

A Holiday Week

Last week, I left 39 activity points on the table as well as just under 20 of my 'overage' points for the week.  I weigh in tomorrow and I certainly hope that the scale reflects what my diet and activity says.  We'll see.

It's a holiday week!  I think these are the hardest times to stay on plan, especially when there are delicious cookout foods hanging out all over the place.  I'm getting together with my brother and his family on Wednesday, and it looks like I'll be able to stick generally to plan based on what we have planned for the menu.  Of course, I can dip into those extra weekly points as well if I need to and I'm sure I'll earn some activity points by chasing my 3-year-old nephew around on Wednesday as well.   Why don't they have 'Chasing quick-footed children' listed as an activity in the points tracker?  Let's be realistic.

This week is also going to be a VERY hot one - I'm not going to get out for a 5K like last week since temperatures are going to be in the mid to upper 90's.  I may have to dust off the Wii Fit and get some time on that - in the luxury of air conditioning.

I posed a question on Facebook about ideas about salty, yet 'healthy' snacks that are WW friendly.  I had some fantastic feedback - here's a sample of ideas:

• Nuts - peanuts, pistachios, almonds
• Raw veggies dipped in koshier salt (accompanied by a lot of water)
• Flavored rice cakes
• Hard cheeses - parmesan, manchego, sharp cheddar
• Special K chips
• Popcorn (...this is one of my faves!  Especially now that I've been able to learn how to do stovepop oil popping from my mom.)
• Pop chips
• Pretzel sticks (...this is my current go-to for a snack fix)
• Pickles
• Salted in the shell sunflower seeds (...if I actually had some coordination, I'd totally do this.)
• Pork rinds
• Salsa on carrots, celery
• UTZ salt-free chips and pretzels
• Baked kale chips

I have to grocery shop tonight.  Does anyone else dread that chore as much as I do?  Too many temptations and it's easy to deviate from a list for me.  Wish me luck and willpower, folks...

A loss is a loss.

I weighed in yesterday at my weekly WW meeting: down 2.2 lbs.  I should be happy with that loss, since I know that it's a healthy amount of loss for a week's timeframe.  However, when you're 300+ lbs, 2 pounds seems like you're chipping an ice cube off of a glacier.  I need to think of it as being just once closer step to my first number of my weight being a "2".

I'm continuing to stick very well with plan.  I haven't dipped into any of my 'weekly overage' points yet, and it's already Thursday.  I got in a 5K on Tuesday night with Sierra and and tonight I've got grass volleyball league.  Let those activity points accumulate!

Do I get hungry on this new plan?  Oh HELL yes.  I've done a good job of bringing small snacks into work to munch on when I do get hungry at my desk during the day.  My two favorites at the moment: a serving of stick pretzels and  an orange.   I'm also really good at getting up and filling my water bottle when I'm feeling that hunger urge as well. 

An Outpouring of Support

Over the last day, I've been overwhelmed - in a good way - in the amount of support I've received from my friends and family.  I posted a link to my blog yesterday on Facebook and have received dozens of private and public messages of encouragement since that time.  I'm so incredibly blessed to have this support, and it gives me even more drive to continue on the path that I've started.

One of those messages came from a resident from when I was an R.A. in college.  She reached out yesterday and gave me my first 'fun' celebration goal: when I hit the 250 mark (just over 50 pounds from now), we are going skydiving!  I've always had that on my bucket list of things to do, and so has she.

My planned 'splurge' dinner plans with a friend at Buffalo Wild Wings for tonight fell through, so I'm going to go in the opposite direction and take Sierra on my newly discovered 5K loop in my neighborhood.  Tonight marks a temporary end to our "manageable" weather.  Tomorrow's high is 96.  I'm going to take advantage of this evening's nice weather by getting out and earning some activity points.

I will finish this morning's blog posting with this foodie find: Laughing Cow cheese is the BOMB.  Only 1 WW+ point per wedge!  I recommend the Queso Fresco and Chipotle flavor.  Delicious!

My 25 Reasons to Lose Weight (Part 1)

I attended my second WW meeting last week.  Yes, I skipped the second week's meeting because I knew already what the outcome would be - a significant gain since the first week.  Since the start, I gained about a half pound.  I saw that as a victory, since I knew how badly I did in my first week on the plan.  I got myself back on plan and came out even.

In this week's meeting, our facilitator assigned us with a task.  What are your 25 reasons to lose weight?  25, I thought?  I don't know if I can come up with that many.

So, here goes...let's see if I can do this.  These are not in any particular order.

1.  Health.  People assume that those that are overweight deal with many health issues.  I'm, in fact, extremely healthy.  My cholesterol is normal, my blood pressure is slightly elevated - but I blame stress for that one.  However, I have a fear of becoming diabetic.  I feel that I've blossomed (heh, it makes it sound so beautiful) to a weight where I really need to be concerned with that.  At my yearly physical, I continue to check my glucose levels and I've consistently been in the normal (to low) range.  So, I'm okay right now, but I don't want to continue to fear that "D" word.

2.  Self-Esteem.  I don't want to look in the mirror any longer - especially when I'm naked - and be completely disgusted.  I was an attractive woman in my mid-20s.  I want to get there (or at least near there) again and feel confident in myself when I go places.  I don't want to worry about if someone is looking at me and wrinkling their face because of my size.  If you have know me, you know I'm a follower when I walk in groups of people (3 or more).  Why?  I don't want people to have to look at my backside.  I'm uncomfortable with it.

3.  I want to wear a two-piece swimsuit again.  Yes, I own two-piece suits now - but they're tankinis and halter-kinis.  They don't count.  I don't show my midriff.  Oh HELL no.  But I'd like to again.  Someday. 

4.  I'd like to run a 5K from start to finish.  For those that have been following me over the last year or so, you know that I have an ambition to run a 5K from start to finish.  Run it.  Not walk it.  Or walk and run it.  Run the entire damn thing.  Even in college, when I had to do a timed 2-mile run for soccer, I couldn't do it then.  And I was a 100+ lbs lighter.  I know that the ONLY way for me to reach this goal that I've had forever is to lose weight.  It's hard enough on my joints to move this much weight around.  It will only be easier to make this goal by losing some pounds.

5.  I want to fit - comfortably - in a booth at a restaurant.  Booths are not built for people that have extra weight around their middle.  Just sayin.'

6.  I want to shop in the Misses section at the department store.  Not the Womens or Plus Size section.  I said this in a past post.  Right now, I can sometimes get away with wearing a size XL shirt from the Misses section depending on how it's cut.  But because I carry most of my weight below the waist, there's no way I could wear a Misses size in pants.  Plus-sized fashion designers - for the most part - design clothes for plus size women that are completely atrocious.  I don't want to wear a mu-mu.  Or something that has a print that resembles that of a mu-mu.  We're overweight.  Not old.  I'm 36.  That doesn't work for me.

7.  I don't want to weigh as much as - or more than - an NFL lineman.  I don't think I have to explain this one any further.

8.  Airplanes.  I don't want to use a seatbelt extender on an airplane.  I actually stole one (by accident), so I have one to travel with if needed.  I typically don't bring it with me.  And I'm embarassed to ask for one.  So, usually, I'll fake that my seatbelt is fastened.  I'm so wedged into the damn seat anyway that I'm probably not going to even budge given an emergency situation.  I also don't want to get "that look" when the person that is stuck in a middle seat has to deal with me and my size for a few hours in a window seat.  I try to lean as much toward the window as I can so that I'm not intruding on the person sitting in that seat.  But I still get "that look" often.

9.  I want to keep up with my nephews.  My three-year-old nephew is getting faster and faster.  And I'm feeling slower and slower.  When he portrays Superman and runs around the house, wanting me to chase him, I want to be able to keep pace.  I tried doing that yesterday and managed to somehow tweak my ankle.  Enough of that BS.

10.  I want to enter the dating scene again.  I do NOT feel comfortable dating at this size.  This goes hand-in-hand with #2 - if I'm not comfortable with myself, how to I expect someone else to be comfortable with me?  I don't expect for guys to find me attractive in my current state.

10 for now.  I'll do some thinking and try to finish this list...
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I had a good weekend - stayed on plan and got some exercise.  I'm weighing myself at home periodically and am seeing some pounds lost as the week goes on as well.  Let's hope that trend continues through Thursday, which is my next WW meeting and "official" weekly weigh-in.  I am feeling better too.  I'm doing a better job of making myself eat some breakfast before I leave the house in the morning.  It's very true - starting out with a breakfast - even if it's minimal - can help you out for the rest of the day.  It doesn't leave me completely starving by the time I hit 11 or 11:30, which is when I typically have lunch. 

I've got a busy week ahead of me.  One with a lot of evenings eating out - meeting a friend for dinner Tuesday night (that will be my planned 'splurge' evening of the week at BWW), dinner and a movie with some friends on Wednesday night, grass volleyball league on Thursday night and dinner with friends on Friday night.  As long as I make good choices and am good during the day leading up to those evenings, I will be fine.  If I plan, I do MUCH better.  We'll see how this goes...