Ups and downs.

Last week, I was pretty pissed off at my 0.0 weight loss.  So, I went into the week with a vengeance.

I weighed in on Tuesday and lost 3.0 lbs.  Success.

And then I realized one of the reasons why I may have plateaued last week.  Most of yesterday, I was in bed in pain due to complications of Flo.  Last week would have been the pre-Flo bloat.  Oh yes, how lovely it is to be a woman sometimes.

This week, I also had my lovely yearly physical appointment (again, talk about loving being a woman).  Because my regular doctor left the clinic that I attend since the time I went for my last yearly physical, I just booked with whomever was available on that day to see me.  Bad idea.  I was paired up with a young, skinny male physician's assistant.  Completely unrelatable.  The entire time I was in the exam room I felt like I had a spotlight on me and was being interrogated.  And judged.  I told him I was in my 4th week of Weight Watchers and that it was going well so far.  He blew right past that.  "What type of foods are you eating?  Are you getting your vegetables into your diet.  Do you drink a lot of pop?  You should be exercising more often than you are."  It's not hard to look at my physical state and know I'll have a multitude of health issues.  Yes, I have an elevated blood pressure which is likely due to my weight, but it's not in the danger zone where I should be put on BP medication.  My cholesterol is low.  Every year I have my glucose and thyroid checked, mainly due to diabetes concern and hypothyroidism running in my family.  Both numbers always check out within normal limits.  I left the appointment with a multitude of emotions - frustration, sadness, infuriation.  The wind in my sails of feeling like I had put myself on the right path was completely taken away from me.  I will NEVER see this guy again.  EVER.

Me and Jenn, Winter 1994, prior to a
'girls night out'

Today, it's my friend Jenn's 39th birthday, and since it's also Thursday, I posted on Facebook a throwback picture of the two of us from my Freshman year in college.  I look at me in that picture and it's amazing how different I look.  Granted, ANYONE is going to look different after nearly 20 years, but it's still a shock to me.  Where did that time go?  How the hell did I get here?

I don't even want to be "that" skinny again.  I'm probably about 165-170 lbs in this picture.  Just getting back to "onederland" will make me happy. 195 pounds.  So that's my goal, and I'm sticking to it.

I leave you with a quick link for the week.  In summary - WW works.  It's amazing the things you quit when you're determined to see the results.  http://kelledee.wordpress.com/2014/07/24/my-resignation-letter-for-weight-watchers/

A dive...and then a plateau?

I was so proud of myself after the first week of WW.  I weighed in last Tuesday and in my first week lost 4.4 lbs!  I was ecstatic, especially since that week included the 4th of July where I didn't track and let myself indulge a little.  So, of course, being the perfectionist that I am, I looked at that 4.4 lbs and said that I could have lost even more if I would have been better that day.

And then I weigh-in this week.  I spent a long weekend in WI with the full family.  I tracked everything I ate.  I turned down the ice cream at the Windmill in Tomahawk when the family stopped there after a day at Jim Peck's Wildwood.  I had a considerable amount of activity.  I weighed in yesterday: a plateau.  No loss, no gain.  0.0 lbs lost.

WTF?  Seriously?!

It's these weigh-ins that infuriate me.  I followed the plan and saw no results.  I guess you can look at it and say that at least I didn't gain while I was on vacation.  I don't care.  I sulked through the entire WW meeting because I was so royally pissed off.

Anyway, I'm on an absolute mission this week to lose.  I golf in a league every Tuesday night, and instead of pushing my clubs on a cart this week, I carried my clubs for the extra calorie burn.  I'm focusing on trying to drink a lot more water each day.  I'm not sure what the rest of my plan is yet, but I'm making that number go down again, dammit.

The swimsuit. Or shall we call it...the devil?

The year after I graduated from high school, my family went on a summer vacation to the Wisconsin Dells with my aunt, uncle and cousins.  We were toting around on the Wisconsin River through the beautiful cliffs and stopped at one to get a better view.  The cousins all climbed to the top of one of the overhangs and I remember yelling to my mom not to take a picture.  You see, my cousin Stacy had an amazing body.  She had the boobs I would never have, even though I was two years older than she was.  I was jealous of what she had, and even more alarming: I thought I was fat.  I didn't want to be captured on film in a bathing suit.  And I look back now at that body and think I was absolutely high.  What I would give to have that 170 pound frame again.

Me, Summer of 1994, Wisconsin Dells

Today, I still hate having my picture taken in my swimsuit.  Okay, lezbe honest: I hate having my picture taken PERIOD lately.  Anyway, we've hit the 4th of July weekend (um, how is summer half over already?!?) and tomorrow, my friend Kati is having a couple friends up to her mom's lake place for the day.  Of course, I am dreading the swimsuit.  The tight-fitting garment is anything but concealing.  It's all put right out there...every little imperfection.  I know I'm most critical of myself and that likely nobody around me could give a crap and won't be focusing on how I look, but it's still stressing me out.  

Me, last year on Lake Tomahawk in Minocqua, WI.  Oh how times have changed...

Which brings me to this fantastic article that my friend Deb posted a link to today on Facebook.  I wish I had the confidence that this girl has - she is an absolute inspiration to me.  It is a must read for anyone who has had any insecurities about donning their swimsuit in warmer weather.  http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jenny-trout/i-wore-a-bikini-and-nothing-happened_b_5546206.html

Have a happy and safe 4th, everyone.

Well, here we go again...

/waves

Hi out there.  Yes, it's been nearly 9 months.

I stepped on the scale on Monday morning for the first time in at least a month.  I saw the number and blinked.  I was tipping the scales at the highest weight I've ever been in my life - 330 lbs.

Was this a surprise?  Absolutely not.  My pants have been fitting tighter and tighter and I've been trying to work miracles with my current wardrobe without resembling a ridiculous, over-stuffed sausage.  (Horrible visual, I know.)  I've been working long hours and grabbing fast food on the way home.  There's absolutely no excuse as to how I got to this point.  I've let my priorities slip - focusing on everything and everyone else around me and neglecting ME.  And it's finally reared it's ugly head.

So, Monday night, with my college roomie Jenn at Snuffy's, I decided that dinner that night was my last hurrah with a delicious mushroom burger, fries and a brownie malt.  I was going back on Weight Watchers the following day.

Yesterday was a new start, back on the plan again.  Though I was still a paying monthly pass WW member, I attended my first meeting at the Edina WW location since September 2013.  Stepping on the scale before the meeting for my official weekly weigh-in plain SUCKED. I knew I had gained my weight back (and some) and facing these people was extremely humbling.  The attendant was great - she noticed my weight went up, looked at the last weigh-in date, and in a very friendly way - welcomed me back.  She said that she was resetting my starting point to today and that it was my new beginning.  She didn't make me feel guilty.  She gave me all the materials I needed for the start over.  The hard part was over - I walked into the 10:30 meeting just as it began.

I haven't been to this facilitator before, but I immediately liked her.  She started off the meeting by opening the table to the group, asking people to share any successes, setbacks or highlights from the previous week.  I opened up to the group, saying that I was back after a 9 month hiatus.  I received many smiles and nods of encouragement from the group.  It made me remember how important the meetings were.  Everyone in that room was struggling with exactly the same problem I was.  They understood.

After the meeting, I waited for my individual 'refresher' on WW (which I didn't really need) and the walk-through of the new 'Simple Start' program (which I did need, since it was new to the regimen since I had joined back in June of 2012).  During that transition time between meeting end and this refresher, I had 4 individuals - complete strangers - come up to me before they left and welcome me back, wish me luck and tell me that they're happy to have me joining them again.  WW is a community.  A family. Without question or hesitation, they welcomed me back in with open arms.

I know it's only day 2 on the plan, but I'm feeling very optimistic.  I'm hoping that this initial wind in my sails continues.