Starting over.

It's been a rough year, to say the least.

First and foremost, I'm still reeling from the loss of my dog-ter, Sierra.  It's been just over 8 months since she passed away, and every single day, I still struggle with her not being there.  People ask if I'm going to get another dog, and I always answer yes - but it's just not the right time.  Even after this long, I still feel like I'm replacing her.  I know I will get to a point where it won't feel that way - and I will know when that time is right.  Unfortunately I'm not there yet.

I've been through a very tough time at work too.  I'm working way too many hours and completely neglecting my personal health.  I'm rarely home, I'm cancelling on personal commitments (which I hate the most) and I'm having a hard time sleeping - sometimes because I'm setting my alarm in the middle of the night multiple times to check on a programming job and set another one running.  I'm picking up fast food because I just don't have the time to cook meals.  Or I'm skipping meals altogether and then just overload on food at the next meal to catch up.  My metabolism has no idea what to do.

I've gained all of the weight back that I lost on my recent journey with Weight Watchers, plus 1-2 pounds.  It's frustrating to see that 300 number again on the scale, especially after I had vowed never to see that lead number ever, ever again.  My clothes still fit, so I don't have to buy anything bigger...thank God.  But it's still tough to have things zipping harder or fitting tightly, especially when I know how those same clothes used to fit.

I'm back on the plan starting today.  I haven't been to a WW meeting in several months, and I plan on going this Wednesday to what was my typical weekly meeting.  It will be very hard to stand on that scale in front of that WW attendant and show how much weight I've gained back.  It's embarassing.  It's defeating.  It's deflating.  But I have to start (again) somewhere.

My 20-year high school reunion is in less than a year.  I want to go.  But I don't want to show up in my current physical state.  No, I won't be 160 lbs like I was when I graduated from high school - that's a completely unrealistic timeline in less than a year.  I want to feel better.  I want to look better.  If that's only 50 pounds down from where I'm at now, so be it.  I don't want to show up, embarrassed, in what I've physically become.

I read this article this morning, and it was very fitting to my current mantra:  it's never too late.  http://gma.yahoo.com/blogs/abc-blogs/diana-nyads-mantra-drove-her-historic-cuba-florida-142602322--abc-news-topstories.html?vp=1